Mom, I'm ready for Marriage

After six months of delaying and making excuses, I finally went home, the god's own country : Kerala. Well, as much as I would like to praise this beautiful land, I just can't overlook the ironies of modern day Kerala. I mean, how can you explain, Keralites working hard, often in inhuman conditions, and sending money back home to a state which is notorious for its leftist fundamentalism? Also, how can you explain a ban on Pepsi and Coke, when tobacco and alcohol are freely available. Anyway, I can't help it, so I live with it.

Getting back home was easy, staying there, well, that was different thing altogether. I mean, when you are a 26 yr old single male, it is inevitable that people around you start saying the dreaded word:- marriage. Yeah, yeah, you have to get "settled" with a nice (read : of parents choice) girl. Not withstanding, whether one is interested, has a person in mind or is gay. Falling in the 2nd category, I was faced with the insurmountable task of explaining my choice to my family. Not surprisingly, my family not only includes my parents and grandparents, but also my uncles, aunts, cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephews, and even the driver who drives my dad around while in town.

To most westerners, finding a partner of your choice in India should sound like a cakewalk, after all, there are a billion of us. But once u look at the Indian system, u surely are in for a major shock. For example: out of the 500 million approx. of the opposite sex, roughly 90-95% do not belong to your state, add to that the criteria of being single, same caste and sub caste, above 18, should be in the same age bracket (you definitely don't want to marry someone of your mom's age) should not be from your family or extended family:- it just happens so that, your family might run into thousands, should not be from the same Gotra :- well its something like, you guys should not be praying at the same temple - if you do, that makes u family and you might become a behench*** . Also, you have to take into consideration, the fact that families should be of the same social status and your janampatris should match. Taking all this into account, it is highly likely that you might end up choosing between a retard, a nymphomaniac or an alcoholic.

Getting back to the task at hand, I had to explain to my mom that her daughter in law is gonna be a foreigner. Instead of dropping the bomb, I tried a more subtle approach, I tried to take my cousin's opinion and tried to make a consensus. In the process, I realised that most Indians can accept Sonia Gandhi as the prime minister of India, but would not accept a foreigner into their family. In hindsight, I think that Indira Gandhi must have kicked Rajiv's ass before the wedding. So, after 3 days, one of my cousin sisters gave me some invaluable advice, make a schedule and then break the news, also, do so over the phone.. in the back of my head I was making a note already : after 3 shots of vodka