Monday Mourning - Death of a Cozy Weekend

I hate Mondays from the very bottom of my gut, I am sure the feeling is universal (May be you hate it from some other part of your body, but the point is you hate it). The whole thought about going to work after a cozy (May be rocking or funny or flirtatious or lovely for all you guys) weekend makes me suicidal and I start looking for DR. Troy. As you can make out by now (Make out as in ‘understand’ folks, I mean what’s wrong with you guys), I’m in a Balls-to-the-world-but-just-not-mine kinda mood. And giving you guys a peek into our lives over the past few weekends now seems like a bloody pain, but anyways I know it is for a cause (though a lost one), i.e., ‘Troy’. Oh!! Troy, why are u such a Dumbass? I would have let you write, but with your linguistic skills, you would have to outsource the writing of a ‘love letter to your girlfriend’, if it ever came to that.

So Folks!! If you remember the lady tornado from our last blog, she lived up to the true meaning of a tornado. She came, conquered, and left (Only for a while, if I can add). Our lady tornado had to leave for a couple of weeks and in a normal situation I would have thanked my stars, guys, after all it was a tornado. But not in this case, the kite called Tingu, flying high with the tornado, looked like a grounded child (Damn, I have just realized he doesn’t look any different anyways. Imaging a 16 year old kid with some beard, that’s him and believe me, he is older than that.). Actually, I thanked heavens that he was quiet for a change (In other words, he had stopped dishing out crap, which was a welcome change.) and god I loved it (Tingu: Yeah!! he would love it, cause he is at the receiving end most of the times. I love the editing part folks.); but it got a lil boring after some time (Tingu: So it tells you that he loves crap, doesn’t it?).

So, in my attempt to cheer him up, I thought of a party, a party to be called ‘BROODING BEGINS’. I even called up two friends Rose and Lisa and they loved the idea of the party and catching up (Ok Ok!! I will be honest; they loved the idea of molesting Tingu in an un-sexual way, because he does it (Molestation without sex thrown into it) all the time.). Guess what, we even got a cake which promptly said “BROODING BEGINS” and made Tingu cut it (And you guys were worrying if we were friends or not, I think this one makes it crystal clear, No!!!). The cake did not cheer him up much (for some unknown reason, I think, he was a little angry), but the look on his face was worth it (Obviously for us).

A couple of beers later, we brave ourselves (Why the word “brave ourselves” right!! you have to drive in the Delhi traffic to understand it.) to go out to Priya’s. I have absolutely no idea why we go places to hang around? It made sense in school when u are really tight on cash and friends are shying away even from your shadow. Then you plunge into your or your friend’s reserves (Emotional blackmail is the key guys), only if u had to buy a gift to impress a new girl or save a relationship (Only because you don’t have any in the pipeline and you are scared of the tag ‘STAG’.). But now, we are all grown up. Cash is still tight (I think, it would be tight even if I was bill gates) and we are Stags at times, but the credit card companies have been merciful. But, then, if your friend is driving, and you know, u would not have to cook for the evening, there is no way in the hell that I would sit back at home. However, only if I had known that Lisa drives the way she drives, I would have walked till Priya. Sadly, life does not give me that many chances, and now I’m sure I have sinned enough.

I am back, back again (guys that’s the background music for the entry of Tingu. I just could not stay at the background anymore.).

I am back and I will be MEAN (With ‘an’ being silent) as usual..

Lisa, ha!!, she should have been a philosopher as she can preach effectively and that too quickly. She taught a guy (One who she almost introduced to god.) that life is beautiful and you get it only once so take care of it, damn! can’t think of a more effective way of doing it. Lisa you are great, C’mon sweetheart, I have to vent it out at some point of time. The second lesson was to us, which was “GIRLS CAN’T DRIVE FOR SHIT, THEY JUST CAN’T!!!” (Hold it down girls, I can hear the shrieks.) After the scooter-shattering-incident and a-lil-less-than-sorry lisa and not-wanting-to-but-trying-to-cheer-lisa-up-acts for an hour, we reached priya and everything looked beautiful. I was alive God-damn-it!! I looked at Lisa my GURU and thanked her (Obviously not explicitly, I just told you that I was happy to be alive.).

We were just about to leave Priya, however, just then my eyes stopped on some really cute things and then I went crazy. I walked up to the one which I thought could fit my size (Size of what? Is that the question? Do you guys know what Tingu means?). I settled for the one that fit me snugly and then we all left together. Huh, by the way, did I miss telling u guys as to what the “thing” was (If I did, it was intentional)? Ok, Ok, use ‘Tshirts’ instead of ‘things’ (as my eyes stopped on some really cute things) and now read it again, (Now what were you thinking?) Ok enough of entertainment guys…I give it back to boring motu…hey motu…here goes the baton... But before that I need to tell you guys, what was special about the Tshirt:

Front of the Tshirt read: THANK GOD FOR CREATING WOMEN!!!

back of the tshirt read: OR ELSE WHO WOULD DO THE CLEANING, WASHING, AND COOKING (Damn!!! You girls shriek a lot, what’s wrong with you. You never said anything to the quote at the front.)

I think situation is getting a lil out of hand and I should leave!!.

Huh, why the hell should I get the baton, I’d rather settle for bacon anyday.

Anyway, from Priya we went to India Gate, well, after Rang de Basanti, India Gate seems like a cool hang out spot. It is really majestic. And there are times that I feel proud about it and there are times when I feel sad about it. Proud, because, it is a standing tribute to the bravery of the Indian Soldier; Sad, because, why would and Indian have to fight an all – European war? (Tingu: Simple because we were ruled by British and they paid us to fight? Motu, we did not have a choice and let us stop at saluting the bravery of our men!!!)

Huh? What has got into me? Why, do I feel that I’m making too much sense. (Do you guys feel the same too, or is it just me? Tingu: Do I need to even bother answering this?) What the hell? Coming back to India gate, the best thing about India gate is that you get big balloons (The ones that u inflate – Don’t get any ideas guys!!) and other silly things, which any of the guys wouldn’t dare been seen with on a regular day. But this was not a regular day, this was the beginning of BROODING.

All four of us, me, Tingu, Rose and Lisa, played with the balloons (The ones that you inflate; again – what’s wrong with you guys), made soapy bubbles, took digs at each other. By the time it ended, everybody was sorry to go back home. Well, I am not too sure about the others, but I surely was sorry, I was going back home with Tingu (Tingu: And believe me guys the feelings were very mutual and damn the first day of brooding…Motu doesn’t even know how close he came to being killed?), (The point to be noted was there was no more beer left in the house.)

Time flies, when you work like an Ass. Holi comes by, and I knew it is gonna be a messy affair. Come on, how much do u think, a pig would like a mud fight? Now swap, the pig for Tingu and the rest of things would remain the same. So, on Holi, after our relatively filthy Holi, (it involved breaking eggs on each other’s heads and throwing Troy in the gutter, not so bad huh? Tingu: I felt sorry for the gutter, bloody Troy ruined it!!) After TROY, we decided to go to Rose’s place. After a good session of transforming Rose from a girl to a lady Frankenstein, we met Rose’s sister and the first thing which she said was ‘Why do you guys smell of eggs?’.

Rose’s aunt committed a mistake of inviting, not inviting actually, just asking us if we have had food. The kind of hunger-stricken we are, (Don’t you see natgeo as they still show Troy in it to depict poverty and hunger in India.), all of us jumped at the idea. After pretending-to-talk-and-waiting-for-food for a while, it finally came. I could not stop eating and all the guys couldn’t help making passes (i.e. passing more food to Motu…yeah it’s Tingu again!). I really thank my stars that, they did not start a betting portal “When would Motu stop?” (If I was in their shoes, I couldn’t let that pass for sure, but then, the question is, would I fit into their shoes? Tingu: Another question is that how do you know that there was no betting involved, didn’t you realize I was suddenly rich the next day?)

Guys all that was just a part of the story, the real story comes up now. Troy, yes absolutely good for nothing Dr. Troy has got a girl. Now, if you guys don’t know Troy, u must be asking, what is there to be surprised about in this? Imagine that you have a Doberman; starve him for 15 days, how scary would he look? And now imagine how would the Doberman jump at food when he sees it? Troy looks like the Doberman and jumps at girls the same way the Doberman would jump at food. But now all that has changed, Dr. Troy is the hunk today! Yeah, like Eddie Murphy was voted the sexiest man on earth.

Tingu: I can’t help not saying anything about it. Motu! What on-earths-name happened to your bloody ego. Folks! I think I have a better explanation for the entire thing. It is just the matter of perspectives. I will help you folks, don’t worry you have me always; I am your friend after all. Coming back to Troy, there are to way of saying things, I will give you examples:

Way 1: I Loved her!!
Way 2: I was Loved by her!!

Way 1: I have loved her!!
Way 2: I have been loved by her!!

I think that’s subtle enough. If you don’t understand even now (I hate to say it but you are dumb-asses!!), replace Love by any verb like walk, eat, f**k, etc, and Way 1 is the version Motu believes in and Way 2 is the version I can bet my ass on. So long folks, keep in touch. And yes, Troy is my friend!!

Girls: Love you all in the most non-platonic way!!!
Guys: Love you all in the most platonic way!!!

Man, how the hell did I manage to write so much (Tingu: Obviously with my help meathead!)? Ah, maybe its already Thursday, hehe. So guys, keep watching this space, cos Tingu is gonna let you people know about his “Brooding Ends” party the next time.

Tingu: If you are reading even this then I think I should ask you one question, “what the hell is wrong with you?”.

You are my angel

Heard some-god-knows-who say, “A gush of fresh air is good for your mind, body, and soul”, but we wonder what would you say about a tornado of fresh air? I hope tornado can be used to personify a girl or else please read hurricane (whatever fits folks, help urself, I mean I am no Webster!!). Damn! This is the problem of having an unusually smart brain, you just think about too many things at a time.

So coming back to the tornado or hurricane or whatever-works-for-everybody; over this last weekend, we have been in the middle of a tornado which literally swept me and Motu (you know motu right? If you don’t, then pray that god shall continue being kind to you) off our feet. And I think especially me (not that it is difficult anyway), I have been running away all my life from two things, and both of them are staring at me right on my face now. Neither I know how it happened nor do I know how I let it happen. But the bloody point is that yes it has happened, yeah the lightening has struck folks, and I never realized what I was getting into. Now it is pain and pleasure at the same time, I never realized love came with a price. Now I just can’t think of anything else but just my huge credit card bill. God, how would I ever pay it? Why you guys are swearing at me, ah! Alas, nobody likes good humor these days.

Anyways so let me really tell you guys about the tornado (I know, I have been entertaining you all, but I can’t continue bullshitting guys. C’mon I am writing this blog for HER, yes, it is HER!). Romans and country men!! One of the legendary “Three Nuts in Delhi” is on the verge of cracking and, damned-if-he-knows-why, but he likes it. I mean for me it is like the age-old missionary position, with me lying down and funnily enjoying it.

So guys, here is the truth, I have tested positive for a disease and I am in my last stages. Our god-knows-of-what expert DR. Troy tells me that my condition is bad and may only get worse.
So let me end it ok, most of us at some point in our lives have been infected by a madness called feeling-of-being-in-love (I know the madness has continued from the first blog). And this time cupid has turned his eyes on my ass, damn him. Guys, i am eating, sleeping, working, drinking only one thing Love. You are my angel my darline angel!!!!

Jai, why the hell you snatching the lap from me!!!

Bloody hell, Tingu, would you ever learn to finish what you have started? I don’t think its gonna be an all Tingu post this time. Well, we all wanted him to write, we have realized that we might have to wait for the next blue moon. Well, frankly, he’s been swept by a lady tornado, and that’s not his fault (If I had a chance I would be swept too, but I guess I’m too heavy to budge. Imagine a tornado struggling to budge a Japanese Sumo Fighter, yeah you guys are right, it is me Tingu again.). We would like to call her an Angel. Tingu is so mesmerized by her that he wouldn’t mind me even calling her Mother Teresa. He is a total sucker for her. Hey, don’t get me wrong, both I and DR troy are also dead suckers for her too, but Tingu beats us hands down (Well we put our hands down and he beats us up.).

Friday night, 11:00 clock: I’m waiting in the middle of the road for Tingu and Angel. The police van comes by and asks me as to what I was doing? They were looking at me as if I were a Gigolo waiting to hook someone up. Encouraged, I looked at the mirror in my car. Disheveled hair, unshaven, a “little” paunch (I am not going to accept anything more than a “little”, so Tingu, don’t try to edit this. Tingu says - Motu, who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?), any girl’s (Tingu says - haha, did you say girl's, I would say even guys draw inspiration from your little belly) nightmare. Yeah, I looked myself.

Well, half an hour and a couple of cigarettes later, both Tingu and Angel arrived and we headed home. Tingu has been eyeing my Dad’s prized bottle of Russian Vodka for some time now. So, we thanked my dad and both of them (angel and tingu) prayed for me. I know it won’t help; I’ve started practicing walking with crutches already.

Some vodka and a couple of dances with Angel, I promise to go boating with them the next day. Well, I guess a couple of shots of vodka and a sweet girl just makes me go weak in the knees, but then, which guy doesn’t?

All of a sudden, I hear, “Hey Motu, gimme a darn ciggi!”

“But u don’t smoke, hell, u don’t even know how to hold a bloody cigarette.” I said. But Tingu was in no mood to listen. Well, I was in no mood to argue either, so I let one cigarrette go waste for tingu's cause. (Tingu - For god's sake Motu, you have to show your face to God one day, so stop lying man!!)

The next day, we went for the boating and believe me it was more than just that. I mean what would you say to two lakes without water (Tingu - the place looked as if boating was a prehistoric activity), place full of monkeys (Tingu - with and without clothes and believe me the ones with the cloths on were a lil too irritating). We realized at the end of the day that evolution has not been complete and not all of us have moved on.

Yaaaawwwwnnnn!! I think I should go off to sleep. The lunch was too heavy. It just feels so awsome dozing off at work. The feeling is similar to earning a million dollars (Tingu - Not that he has earned it, but is there a tax in saying it. I guess not, so guys I can only pity you all for all the crap he is dishing out. What did you ask, are we friends? Yes, very much and what a stupid question?).